Something I never expected to get out of blogging? To learn about myself. To watch myself grow. I have just about read all my posts and I saw what a journey it has been. I mean it's not over but I know that all that I have been through is just a process. The race isn't over yet. I'm glad I'm doing this. It's fun getting to know myself. The real me. Not the girl I pretend to be. But the girl I really am. I'm just a lost sould trying to figure myself out. I'm real. I'm me. I'm a human being. I can finally see that now.
I am SO thankful for my family and friends, all the people who make it a joy living.
I was never really into the whole holiday joy cheer thing whatever... but for some reason this year I really feel the holiday spirit. I think it has to do with my brothers leaving home. I mean it's truue you never know what you have until it's gone. So I'm thankful for my brothers that even though you guys are far you still mean a lot to me and the family. I'm just thankful for everything.
I've decided I'm not going to open up to people anymore. Except on here. Because one thing for sure is that you don't know me and you won't judge me. I completely poured my heart and soul out to this girl I've been friends for 4 years. I though I would just tell her what had been going on. I let my guard down... and sure enough she screwed me over. By 3rd period most of the girls knew what I had done... who I had done it with, what I had thought, and what I had said. The world is full of backstabbing bitches.
Everything in life is connected somehow. You may have to dig deep to find it but its there. Everything is the same even though its different. Somehow everything connects back with your life. The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same. Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left. Picture back to a year ago and the situation you were in. Look at how things are different yet somehow everything it still in someway cognate. Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure. Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin. Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.
I cancelled my date with Nate. I don't feel like going out. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to stay in my room forever and forget everyone. At least for a while. Until I figured out what I want. Wouldn't that be nice? a little vacation to just sort everyhitng out. I would love that.Where would I go? I know... Nonna's house. She lives in Italy though. Fml. I love her so much. Woman why do you have to be so far away. I love her house out by the country. It's peaceful. I love her sunflower fields. They're beautiful. I love how every summer we go out and visit her, and she gets so happy. Nonno died a year ago. It's not easy for any of us especially her. I miss them both. Dearly. That's what I need... I need family. I need my own dear family. The very people who love me for who I am and don't try to change me. I need to be with them.
You know what I feel like doing right now? Cry. Dance. Sing. Talk. Vent. And a side order of Cookie Dough ice cream please.
I wonder why people talk so much about love. Who am I kidding love is wonderful. I just hate how we can fall for the same crap again. I'll love you forever. But then forever comes and it's over. Just like that. It's done. Overwith. You give alll you have and end up with tears and a heart broken into a billion pieces. Oh the irony.
I want someone to talk to. I feel like no one gets me anymore. I feel out of place. I don't belong. I need someone.
I was having a talk wiith my younger sister and it made me realize what a horrible person I am. She's warm and caring. She's kind. She's loving, forgiving.
I'm judgmental. I speak my mind but oh my too many people take it as rude. I'm oppiniated. I'm sarcastic. Ugh. and now I have cramps. Not a good Tuesday. I hope YOUR having a Happy Tuesday freinds. leave me questions yah? (: http://formspring.me/sophiabella
I figured I'd tell you about myself through a questionare.
Nickname: Sophie, So.
Birthdate; December 1st 1993.
Birthplace: Orange County, California
Hometown:All over California.
Eye Color & Hair Color:Hazel, Light brown.
Height & Weight:5'4, fat.
Occupation / School:Senior /high school.
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Favorite Color: Black... goes with everything.
PICK ONE night or day- Night.
sweet or sour- Sweet.
chocolate or vanilla- Twist.
beer or hard liquor- None.
black or white- Black.
personality or looks- Personality, but looks wouldn't hurt. ;)
cats or dogs- Defffffff cats. I have two :)
HAVE YOU EVER..... Been in love-Oh but of course.
drank until you blacked out- Never.
Skipped school- Yes.
Drank alcohol- Nope.
smoked a cigarette- Cheer Camp 2 years ago, thought I was gonna die.
smoked weed- Never.
snuck out of the house- Yes.
RANDOM QUESTIONS Whats the worst thing that has ever happened to you- There are so many, but none really come to mind. Well when I crashed that was horrible.
What do you think happens when you die-You either go to heaven or hell.
Do you believe in karma- I think I do... I mean I act like I do but I think that is just me going with the flow trying to fit in... so no I don't think I do.
Believe in god- But of course he's my rock.
Do you have a job- I do, I work at a food shack on Venice pier.
If you had one wish, what would it be-To never get past 17, of course as I realized later on I'd totally regret it and try to fix it and my life would be like one of those movies.
Store- Forever 21,Urban Outfitters,Modcloth, LAVintage, H&M ThreadScene(love facbook for this).
Drink-OJ, Apple Juice, Vitamen Water.
Food-Italian, Mexican, Seafood.
Book- If I stay, the truth about forever, To kill a mockingbird, Go ask alice.
Music- Anything that I can jam out in my car. OOOh Melissa Polinar, Meiko.
MORE ABOUT YOU Piercings- Just my ears.
Tattoos-Oh none yet i want one i have a speacial one but im not sure, too many people against it.
How do you want to die-Knowing I lived a full, long and happy life.
Do you want to get married- Of course!
Do you want kids- 3 of them actually.
Do you drink- Vitamen Water.
Smoke- No darling.
Your most missed memory- When I was a kid, I wish I could say to the 10 year old me, "You had it so good Sohpie." (I dont like growing up)
What do you want to do when you are done with highschool- I want to go into phycology, maybe art, maybe, design, I honestly love so many things I have no idea what to do... Hopefully life takes me somewhere great cause I'm really looking forward to it(:
It's not so hot today it's a little cloudy.You know what makes me happy? I don't find myself caring anymore. Not about you, not about her. Not about either of you. I'm done... I guess it was time. It's a waste of time going after something that doesn't want you. I can say I'm okay. It's well with my soul. Does anyone know when Pretty Little Liars will be on again? I miss it. Oh well, Gossip Girl for now♥
Here goes... I hate my face. I hate that I have to wake up everyday feeling the way I am. I hate the thoughts I get of discouragement and failure. I hate that I have pressure from my parents. I hate how I'm not perfect at church. I hate that I count myself out of everything. I hate how negative I can be at times. I hate how I "play it too cool". I hate that I wish I was someone else. I hate how my plans always fail. I hate how I always put my self down. I hate/love that I'm a senior.(bittersweet)I hate that I'm growing up. I hate that my friends are super rude. I hate that I feel like no one understands me. I hate that I feel like a big baby as I'm writing this. I hate how I'm thinking about deleting this but I won't. I hate how I'm lazy and won't clean my room. I hate getting criticized. Especially about my singing. I hate that I
can't receiveCONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I hate that I'm fat. I hate being scared. I hate my past and I'm scared if people know about it. I hate how I don't completely depend on God. I hate how sometimes I feel so ugly and gross. I hateee my legs. I hate walking past people and trying to figure out what they're gonna say about me.
I just want someone to be proud of me. I want to do something that will make someone go ... "Hey.. she's amazing I'm glad I saw what she did." I want to make a difference in someone's life. I just want to feel like I'm important to this world. I hate the fact that I let my parents down. I feel like they're embarrassed 'cause I'm fat. Another day, another struggle. I want to go to a place out of my head.