Thursday, December 30, 2010

This is a tragedy.

My parents want to move to Utah.
Don't get me wrong, I fell in love with the little cities.
It's just... it's a fun place to VISIT not LIVE.
I hope this doesn't go through.
If it does... sacrebleu!
20081001203007

Sunday, December 26, 2010

It's gonna be okay.

All the anger.
bitterness.
rage.
shame.
disappointment.


It will go away right?









Thanks for ruining my christmas.
I hate you. Just when I think I don't care.... you come back.
Gahhh.
To hell with you.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Baby... I miss you.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Reporting to you LIVE from my bedroom.
(like I always do.)
Well, well, well. Tis' the season!
I have a bloody nose guys.
I know, I know it's sick...but I don't know why it happens.
It's stresses me out. Anyway, I will be going to Utah for the holidays. I leave tomorrow.
I'm excited to see my family.(:
As my dear, dear, dear bess fren says.
Happy Christmas and Merry New Year my fellow bloggers.
Have an amazing Week and hope you enjoy the holidays!(:

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

You know how people see us?
Not the REAL us. But the person we are on the surface?
And they begin to judge. Judge in such a cruel matter that makes you want to scream.
It's not like they have the decency to say it out loud, but the way they look at you up and down. the way they start throwing around mean slurs. It's cruel. it's vile. It's the human mind.
We live in such a perverse world.
Vanity.
Sex.
Drugs.
That's all we hear.
That's what surrounds us.
That's what we're taken in by.

I really wish to leave this world.

Something that has been haunting me?




Will I go to heaven or hell?


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Seeing is believing?

Thoughts haunt.
Deeply moved.
Energy frozen.
Mind stumped.
Heart beating.
Breaking out.
Memories float.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Something I never expected to get out of blogging?
To learn about myself.
To watch myself grow.
I have just about read all my posts and I saw what a journey it has been. I mean it's not over but I know that all that I have been through is just a process. The race isn't over yet. I'm glad I'm doing this. It's fun getting to know myself.
The real me.
Not the girl I pretend to be.
But the girl I really am.
I'm just a lost sould trying to figure myself out.
I'm real.
I'm me.
I'm a human being.
I can finally see that now.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I love you.

Three words that have lost their meaning for me.
I.
love.
you.

Yep.. feel nothing.

The heartache is slowly leaving. All I have left are memories. Memories that are taking their sweet ass time to fade away.
I don't know what I feel more. Regret or sadness. I guess they all tie together in the end.
Oh and you jealousy just keep strolling by don't cha?
Making me want to hurt every girl I see near him.

Wanna know what's the hardest thing for me to do right now?



Forgive.




I can't do it.
Maybe it's my pride.
Or stupid jealousy.
but I just can't.
I can't seem to do it.
I may say I forgive.
But frankly... actions speak louder than words don't they darling?




Iloveyou.
iloveyou.
iloveyou.
iloveyou.
iloveyou.
iloveyou.
iloveyou.


I'll get back to you when those words mean something to me again.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

My words are lost.
I'm scared.

Scared of what comes next.
Reality is something I just want to escape.

Sometimes I think it's just good to cry.
Let it all out.

Because if I keep it inside any longer... I don't know what I'll do.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

HAPPY (late) THANKSGIVING DAY.

I am SO thankful for my family and friends, all the people who make it a joy living.
I was never really into the whole holiday joy cheer thing whatever... but for some reason this year I really feel the holiday spirit. I think it has to do with my brothers leaving home. I mean it's truue you never know what you have until it's gone. So I'm thankful for my brothers that even though you guys are far you still mean a lot to me and the family. I'm just thankful for everything.
Happy thanksgiving darlings. ♥

Thursday, November 18, 2010


I've decided I'm not going to open up to people anymore.
Except on here.
Because one thing for sure is that you don't know me and you won't judge me.
I completely poured my heart and soul out to this girl I've been friends for 4 years.
I though I would just tell her what had been going on.
I let my guard down... and sure enough she screwed me over.
By 3rd period most of the girls knew what I had done... who I had done it with, what I had thought, and what I had said.
The world is full of backstabbing bitches.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Everything in life is connected somehow. You may have to dig deep to find it but its there. Everything is the same even though its different. Somehow everything connects back with your life. The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same. Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left. Picture back to a year ago and the situation you were in. Look at how things are different yet somehow everything it still in someway cognate. Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure. Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin. Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.

Monday, November 15, 2010

why do we always wan what we can't have?

I'm not afraid of people around me, I'm just afraid of rejection.
That's what keeps me bound up in chains.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
That word terrifies me.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I need a prom dress.
Any ideas?

Friday, November 12, 2010

I don't love the way you lie.

I'm a girl.
I'm alone in a big world that keeps going and doesn't slow down.
I wish to get off this big world.
I wish to fly.
I wish to fly away.
Far far away.
Reinvent myself.
Become the person I want.
No pressure.
No pressure.
No pressure.
N
o

p
r
e
s
s
u
r
e
.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I feel my heart sink every time I begin to say your name... I block that thought out. I block out everything that reminds me of you. It's hard since EVERYTHING reminds me of you.
Your smell.
Your touch.
Your lips.
Your voice.
Your smile.
Your laugh.
Your eyes.
Your soul.
The very thing that kept me going is holding me back. I'm stuck in the past. I like it in the past. It's simple. Just you & me. That's all we need love.
I would give everything to have it be like that again.
Life's a bitch.
Love me again?

Friday, October 29, 2010

Somebody to love.

I cancelled my date with Nate.
I don't feel like going out.
I don't feel like doing anything.
I just want to stay in my room forever and forget everyone.
At least for a while.
Until I figured out what I want.
Wouldn't that be nice? a little vacation to just sort everyhitng out.
I would love that.Where would I go?
I know... Nonna's house.
She lives in Italy though.
Fml.
I love her so much.
Woman why do you have to be so far away.
I love her house out by the country.
It's peaceful.
I love her sunflower fields.
They're beautiful.
I love how every summer we go out and visit her, and she gets so happy.
Nonno died a year ago.
It's not easy for any of us especially her.
I miss them both.
Dearly.
That's what I need... I need family.
I need my own dear family.
The very people who love me for who I am and don't try to change me.
I need to be with them.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

You know what I feel like doing right now?
Cry.
Dance.
Sing.
Talk.
Vent.
And a side order of Cookie Dough ice cream please.


I wonder why people talk so much about love.
Who am I kidding love is wonderful.
I just hate how we can fall for the same crap again.
I'll love you forever.
But then forever comes and it's over.
Just like that.
It's done.
Overwith.
You give alll you have and end up with tears and a heart broken into a billion pieces.
Oh the irony.

I want someone to talk to.
I feel like no one gets me anymore.
I feel out of place.
I don't belong.
I need someone.

Oh..

I feel horrible today.
I miss you, oh God I miss you terribly.Why did you have to wander back into my heart..my mind...my soul.
I hate you for that. For making me love you.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I'm a bitch.

I was having a talk wiith my younger sister and it made me realize what a horrible person I am.
She's warm and caring. She's kind. She's loving, forgiving.

I'm judgmental.
I speak my mind but oh my too many people take it as rude.
I'm oppiniated.
I'm sarcastic.
Ugh. and now I have cramps.
Not a good Tuesday.
I hope YOUR having a Happy Tuesday freinds.
leave me questions yah? (:
http://formspring.me/sophiabella

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's been a while.

I missed you.
I got a formspring guys.

Also a tattoo ....what?
YES!
jk.


(maybe)
;)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

About Me;

I figured I'd tell you about myself through a questionare.

Name: Sophia.

Nickname: Sophie, So.

Birthdate; December 1st 1993.

Birthplace: Orange County, California

Hometown:All over California.

Eye Color & Hair Color:Hazel, Light brown.

Height & Weight:5'4, fat.

Occupation / School:Senior /high school.

Righty or Lefty: Righty

Heritage:Mexican/Italian/White.

Favorite Color: Black... goes with everything.

PICK ONE

night or day- Night.

sweet or sour- Sweet.

chocolate or vanilla- Twist.

beer or hard liquor- None.

black or white- Black.

personality or looks- Personality, but looks wouldn't hurt. ;)

cats or dogs- Defffffff cats. I have two :)

HAVE YOU EVER.....

Been in love-Oh but of course.

drank until you blacked out- Never.

Skipped school- Yes.

Drank alcohol- Nope.

smoked a cigarette- Cheer Camp 2 years ago, thought I was gonna die.

smoked weed- Never.

snuck out of the house- Yes.

RANDOM QUESTIONS

Whats the worst thing that has ever happened to you- There are so many, but none really come to mind. Well when I crashed that was horrible.

What do you think happens when you die-You either go to heaven or hell.

Do you believe in karma- I think I do... I mean I act like I do but I think that is just me going with the flow trying to fit in... so no I don't think I do.

Believe in god- But of course he's my rock.

Do you have a job- I do, I work at a food shack on Venice pier.

If you had one wish, what would it be-To never get past 17, of course as I realized later on I'd totally regret it and try to fix it and my life would be like one of those movies.

FAVORITE....

Store- Forever 21,Urban Outfitters,Modcloth, LAVintage, H&M ThreadScene(love facbook for this).

Drink-OJ, Apple Juice, Vitamen Water.

Food-Italian, Mexican, Seafood.

Book- If I stay, the truth about forever, To kill a mockingbird, Go ask alice.

Music- Anything that I can jam out in my car. OOOh Melissa Polinar, Meiko.

Season-SUMMERRRR<3

MORE ABOUT YOU

Piercings- Just my ears.

Tattoos-Oh none yet i want one i have a speacial one but im not sure, too many people against it.

How do you want to die-Knowing I lived a full, long and happy life.

Do you want to get married- Of course!

Do you want kids- 3 of them actually.

Do you drink- Vitamen Water.

Smoke- No darling.

Your most missed memory- When I was a kid, I wish I could say to the 10 year old me, "You had it so good Sohpie." (I dont like growing up)

What do you want to do when you are done with highschool- I want to go into phycology, maybe art, maybe, design, I honestly love so many things I have no idea what to do... Hopefully life takes me somewhere great cause I'm really looking forward to it(:



Show me your worth fighting for.


Guys I got a new laptop.
MacBook. HOLLA (:

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

If music be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.



Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Close your eyes and open your heart.

I need to get away.
I'm tired.
Physically and emotionally.
I need to get out of this rut.
I need someone.
My friends?
No... they are too busy with their own lives.
I'm going to watch 100 hours of Gossip Girl, Modern Family, The O.C, The Hills and Glee.
Stuff my face... feel guilty and run like a loon.
Story of my life.
Good day.
Good night.





Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Cali Swag.

It's not so hot today it's a little cloudy.You know what makes me happy? I don't find myself caring anymore. Not about you, not about her. Not about either of you. I'm done... I guess it was time. It's a waste of time going after something that doesn't want you. I can say I'm okay. It's well with my soul. Does anyone know when Pretty Little Liars will be on again? I miss it. Oh well, Gossip Girl for now♥


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

You wanna know one thing I hate but always seems to come?
DRAMA.
I hate it.
Not like the hate that you love, but honestly hateee itt I can even say I hate it with a passion.
(yeah that bad.)
Why?
Because it screws everything up.
And boy do I mean everything.
Aside from that I didn't get a chance to tell you but Monday was a GLORIOUS day(:

Monday, September 13, 2010

Thank you Mr. And Mrs. Blogger.com for taking so LONG to load.

Anyway...
I don't want to sit here and tell you how glorious my day was... but I will(:
I finally know her name.
Yeah it's Jessica.
(and yes that made my day.)
I actually had a talk with her and boy let me tell you.. she is ... well she is something.
She says "whore" ALOT.
Which bugs me.
It's an ugly word besides,
no one says that anymore.
I even had a flashback to when I said that... ah wow creepy.
But yeah it was this morning I got to school early... and I was looking for Sarah, when I spotted her I saw Jessica walking right behind her.
Sarah introduced us... I faked the faskest smile I could.
We had a conv um.... about 5 minutes later I hated her.
I can't believe your into her... are you?
I wish I could just walk up to you and ask you.
"Where did you meet her?, and why do you talk to her?"
Buttt... I couldn't do that... not in a million years.
I have a short story to write for English... I'll write about us.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

I'm blank.
Good night♥
and why doesn't my font work?
grrr.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I have no intention of forgetting
I have no intention of letting go.
I have no intention of dissolving my past.
I have no interest in the future.
I have no desire to move on.


So much for happiness right?



PS.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
Maybe if I repeat this 100 times it'll become t r u e.





Friday, September 10, 2010

I feel like writing about you is feeding my depression.
I need to get over it.
I've decided to look past the imperfections and not care.
Nothings impossible right?
Wish me luck.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I wonder if people can read minds.
I wonder if you still feel the same way.
I wonder if people can read MY mind.
I wonder if they'd even care.
I wonder why your with her.
I wonder why it's not me.
I wonder why it's over.
I wonder if you even care.
I wonder what she feels when she's with you.
I wonder if she likes you as much as i did.
I wonder if you'll last... enough for her to fall in love with you the same way I did.
I hope not.
I hope she falls over those chunky boots and breaks a leg.
I hope she NEVER gets to fall in love with you.
I hope she moves to another city... another state... HELL another country!
I wish you were mine.
a
g
a
i
n
.
I wanna go back in time and erase all our memories...and maybe, just maybe things would have been better.♥


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

My dear family is coming to visit!
I'm excited(:
I haven't seen them probably like 4 years ago maybe 5.
My parents are going crazy getting everything ready.
It's going to be a busy week.

-xoxo

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

You've broken me d o w n.
You've let me fall.
You've left me for dead.
You've made me less.
You've done everything you possibly could.
Guess what?
I'm still standing.
I've been through the heart-aches and the pain.
But I'm still standing.
Push me down.
I'll just get back up.
Break me down.
I'll heal sooner or later.
Betray me.
I just won't care anymore.

Monday, September 6, 2010

I had a busy weekend.
I love my mom for trying to get me away.
I swear I'm addicted to dress-up games.
I don't care 'cause I love creating outfits even though it's just a game.
I feel better now.
I know I won't tomorrow 'cause I'll see you.
Well time to put on that fake smile and award winning perfect daughter attitude.

Friday, September 3, 2010

What's her name?

The girl your always with now?
Who is she?
I've never seen her.. but then again the school is rather large.
New girl and she's clinging to you.
It bugs me.
I feel like I still belong to you.
Like we belong to each other.
More than each others property.
Soul Mates.
You know it too.
I feel you stare at me when your with her.
When I pretend to ignore you ...when I look at you from the corner of my eye.
Your with her. I'm with my girls.
I laugh ...pretend like I'm not burning up inside.
Do you guys even TALK?
It doesn't look like it.
WOW.
I'm mad.
Mad at the fact your not mine anymore.
Mad at the fact she's with you now.
I don't even know her name.
It kills me.
I don't bash on other people.
But you... uh you..... make me HATE people.
Why doesn't she change her boots up.
Get cute clothes.
Gah stop it.
You;
You.
You.
It's all YOU.
You make me hate people.
You make me cry.
You make me depressed.
You make me wanna punch walls.
You make me angry.
You make me want to throw everything away.
You make me quit.
You make me stay up at night..
Don't you know how much control you have?
How much POWER?
I hate that I even gave you that power.
Power to my heart...
My soul.
UHHHHH.
I hate you.
Your poison...





Monday, August 30, 2010

I hope she doesn't think I'm weird or anything.

This girls' blog is AMAZING.
Plus I want her to shoot my senior pictures.
That's not weird right?
A girl I barley know who probably doesn't even live close to me?
YEP. Not weird.
ANYWAY. She's got talent.

btw....


LOVE THESE.
If you could do these I think you'd be my hero.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I hate school.

Just kidding folks.
I guess I'm just bummed out summer is over.
It's been a busy week.
I'm tired.
So... I need to vent.
Promise not to judge me?
Thanks guys(:
Here goes... I hate my face. I hate that I have to wake up everyday feeling the way I am. I hate the thoughts I get of discouragement and failure. I hate that I have pressure from my parents. I hate how I'm not perfect at church. I hate that I count myself out of everything. I hate how negative I can be at times. I hate how I "play it too cool". I hate that I wish I was someone else. I hate how my plans always fail. I hate how I always put my self down. I hate/love that I'm a senior.(bittersweet)I hate that I'm growing up. I hate that my friends are super rude. I hate that I feel like no one understands me. I hate that I feel like a big baby as I'm writing this. I hate how I'm thinking about deleting this but I won't. I hate how I'm lazy and won't clean my room. I hate getting criticized. Especially about my singing. I hate that I
can't receive CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I hate that I'm fat. I hate being scared. I hate my past and I'm scared if people know about it. I hate how I don't completely depend on God. I hate how sometimes I feel so ugly and gross. I hateee my legs. I hate walking past people and trying to figure out what they're gonna say about me.
I just want someone to be proud of me. I want to do something that will make someone go ... "Hey.. she's amazing I'm glad I saw what she did." I want to make a difference in someone's life. I just want to feel like I'm important to this world. I hate the fact that I let my parents down. I feel like they're embarrassed 'cause I'm fat. Another day, another struggle. I want to go to a place out of my head.
But hey... other than that life is okay.
Just sums up what I feel right now.
Actually no, not really.

"Everything will be okay in the end...
if it's not okay, it's not the end."

Friday, August 20, 2010

Yeah baby.


You've got a face for a smile you know...
A shame you waste it when your breaking me slowly.
Demi; Your all Disney, but I love this song(:
And catch me.
Dang girl you're deep.

As for you Chace; Marry me♥












EXTENSIONS.

I need new ones.
The hair is fine... I guess I need new clips.
Is that possible?
Just like cut out the clips and get new ones?
I'll see to that.
Anyway I also need to
dye it.
My roots are growing back.
What color though?
Any suggestions?
Hm.
I'm not diggin' my short hair so
I'll for sure keep my extensions.
I also want my bangs to grow out.
I'm a bit sketchy about that part.
Cause I use my bangs to hide myself sometimes.
Eh, I'll keep 'em around.
I want LONG bangs though like.. this;
you know, choppy but long.
Right now I have full bangs but
I pull them off to the side.
I think I'll go light.
Hm.. yeah light.
and looong(:

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I wanna be...

MORE than just a name to people.
Rejected.
Ignored.
Made Less.
Self-Conscious.
Insecure.
Fat.
Ugly.
Scarred.
Alone.
Betrayed.
Humiliated.
Torn Apart.
Needy.
Moody.
Angry.
Sad.
Stupid.
That's what I was.
I'm still struggling.
Ugh.
I'm finishing the race that
was set before me.
I feel like I'm loosing.
I feel like I have two faces.
Get rid of that.
NOW.




Dear Heart... Why Him?

I am trying to remember. Remember what makes me happy. I forgot how. I hate days like this. One day I'm great. The other I'm not.
Bipolar?
Ah.
I am flipping through the thousands and millions of memories in my head. I can't... remember.
I'd rather die than loose you.

Is it ever going to be ... enough?


I miss you.
ALOT.
kissme&makeitbetter.
Forget about
yesterday.

DONEDEAL?
I hate that I depend on you.
Godwhendidthishappen?
Makemewhole.

I remember when I was deeply wounded but, I survived♥




Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'm still alive.

Girl's night went rather well.
I loved being with my girls♥

Monday, August 16, 2010

Early Bird... Catches the Worm?


Yeah... I woke up @ 5 today(:
I was happy.
I went to pray with my mum at church.
(My parents are christian pastors.)
It felt goood.
Prayed so I can have a job.
Interceded for people.
I swear everyday should start like that(;
So how was your morning?
Hmm that's wonderful.
Yes yes, I'm glad.
Had a great morning with my mum.
I♥MUM!
I should make a shirt like that.
Yeeeeeah.
♥(:




Saturday, August 14, 2010

I love books.

Wanna know why?

•Different adventures.
•New friends.
•It's all clear.
•It gives me places to dream about.
•Invents things that no one has ever even dreamed of.
•It will all stay with me until the very end
well after ...
lord Voldermolt is DEAD.
Narnia is GONE.
and Alice is AWAKE.





Thursday, August 12, 2010

Take everything.

Until only love remains.

Tell me how you feel.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


i feel overwhelmed.
I'm killing myself
ugh i need to be 115 the least.


Saturday, August 7, 2010

Girl's Night.

I've been working hard on Girl's Night!
I've been planning it since forever, I want it to be perfect.
I'm so glad my frens have my back.
I ♥ you gals.


Friday, August 6, 2010

Help me breathe,


'cause I don't think I can keep doing it on my own.
I'm drowning.
Help me out?
Please...

Thursday, August 5, 2010

HEllO,

I'm a misfit.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Rejection.

Why do we reject so much? when we as humans, know the pain of rejection?
Why?
Do you think if life was so horrible, would there be such a thing as... love?
EVERY thought has it's reason.
Clarify for me;

Is there such a thing as perfection?


He said; there IS such thing as perfection, but for now....it is just our goal.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I want to fly.

Fly far away from here.
Leave for a while. forever.
Forget everything.
Loose myself.
Let go.
Dream.
Think.
Breathe.
I wish I was Wendy
and Peter Pan could just come and take me away.
And we'd fly away to Neverland.
And just stay kids forever
No worries.
No stress.
No parents.
Just ourselves.
But realty sets in.
I hate realty.
I wanna dream forever.
Just give me wings so I can leave.


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Once more.

We're back.
Where it all began.
Love at first sight.
I'm scared your gonna leave again.
Just stay?
It's been so long
I'm scared I might just be
IN love with the idea of love.
But your more than just an idea.
You were the first one to see my heart.
Let's keep it like this?
I like it.
Grow old with me?
K thanks(:
PS. I love you.






Saturday, July 31, 2010

What do YOU want to do before you die?

So i found a picture.
I found this picture.
And it got me thinking.
I want to do plenty.
Here's my list.
• Sky-dive.
• Go skinny-dipping.
•Learn to speak a foreign language and make sure I use it.
•Watch the launch of a space shuttle.
•Learn how to take a compliment.
•Be on T.V
•Write a letter.
•Send a message in a bottle.
•Get to know my neighbors.
•Plant a tree.
•Learn to say NO.
•Visit the Senate or House of Representatives to see how Congress really works.
•Learn to ballroom dance... properly.
•Learn to ACTUALLY dance.
•Be THE boss.
•Sit on a jury.
•Write the novel I know I have inside me.
•Be Someone's mentor.
•Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home.
•Shower in a waterfall.
•Ask for a raise.
•Teach someone illiterate to read.
•Write down my personal mission statement, and follow it.
•See a lunar eclipse.
•Experience weightlessness.
•Sing a song in front of an audience.
•Drive across America, coast to coast baby.
•Write my will!
•Sleep under the stars.
•GET SOME hah(:
•Get rich.
•Accept myself for who I am.
•Create my own website.
•Run to the top of the statue of Liberty.
•RUN a marathon.
•Visit the Holy Land.
•Go up in a hot air balloon.
•Be on Jersey Shore.
•Set foot on each of the seven continents.
•Swim with sharks and dolphins.
•Surf.
•Climb an active volcano.
•Sail.
•Photograph an endangered species.
•Spend 24 hours with friends in the jungle.
•Attend Art shows in New York.
•Attend music festivals in other countries.
•Attend the Olympics(:
•Take a leap of faith.
•Forgive people.
•Climb the Great Pyramid of Egypt.
•Fall IN love.... helplessly and unconditionally♥

So my question to you.. what do you want to do before you die?